All Calm on the Home Front

Hello Everyone - sorry about the long wait for this post to come.  I have been meaning to do this for over a week.  Hopefully I can remember all the things I have been thinking of!

Have you ever had a problem where the solution you chose created a different problem?  Soooooooooooooooooooo frustrating!!!

I have cancer so I choose to receive chemotherapy.  Because of the chemotherapy, I take medications for nausea.  The chemo and/or the anti-nausea medications gave me heartburn.  I started taking medication for the heartburn.  Somewhere is this process, I started to have hemorrhoid pain.  So now I have some medication for that. A few days ago, I was beginning to think that it was more painful to be treated for cancer than it was to have cancer : {

Well, sorry about all the above whining.  It seems like my experience evolves into something after each session of chemotherapy.  I am grateful for modern medicine and all the gains they have made over the years in cancer treatment.  Fortunately, the heartburn and the hemorrhoids have backed off and today I have felt great.  Yesterday was good also.  This is a HUGE blessing from Heavenly Father.  I needed things to ease up so I could be a better husband and father.  There is a skill that I am trying to develop - to be a good husband, father, & neighbor even when I do not feel good.  I need to utilize the deep breathing exercises.  They should help in how I feel and how I react to situations when I am not feeling well.

I have been amazed at how much people care for and help us after each session.  A neighbor whose wife battled cancer for year, told us we have to receive the help with gratitude, as it will keep coming and coming as I battle my cancer.

I know Heavenly Father is watching over me and my family.  I know he used you as his instruments in spreading his love.  Thanks again for all you so for me and my family.

-Doug-

New Donation Account

ATTENTION:  NEW DONATION ACCOUNT

WELLS FARGO BANK - DOUGLAS L KOTTER DONATION FUND.


We have had to change the location of the donation account to WELLS FARGO BANK.  It is called DOUGLAS L KOTTER DONATION FUND.  We had to change this because Zion's Bank only allowed a one time withdrawal and you have to close the account.  We need to use some of the donation money to pay some medical bills that were recently processed; hence, the account will be closed.  Wells Fargo was able to set up a donation account that we can access as the need arises.

We predict that we will have medical expenses related to the cancer going into 2014.  We are blessed in that we have insurance, but we will meet our out-of-pocket maximun with just one stay at the Huntsman 'Hotel' in 2014.  The doctor did say that this is a pesky cancer and that the chances of the cancer coming back are high.  We hope to keep this donation account open for a while - long enough so that the cancer will have been in remission for a few years.

I cannot express enough grattitude to all of you who have donated and sacrificed to help my family.  I have felt at peace and have had a calm assurance that we will be able to pay all out medical bills.  This is because of the amaziong generosity and support which you have shown our family.  THANK YOU!!!!!!!

We know we can never repay all that have been done, but we are trying to help other families as we see thier needs.  Working together, sharing our burdens with one another, we will get through all our trials.  Thank you again for your love and support.  Heavenly Father is helping us - I know it!!!

-Doug-

Cancer Update

CANCER IS STABLE - NOT GROWING!!!!!!  HOORAY!!!!!

Before you read the update details, please understand that some of the new information, is not really new - I just didn't know about it.  When I asked the doctor why they had not gone into more detail with me about all the places the cancer is showing, they told me two things.   First, it would not have affected the treatment plan since the treatment plan was based on all the information.  They try to give patients in my situation  a big picture view of the problem without getting into too much nitty grity detail - unless the patient asks for it of course.  Too much information at the beginning may be too overwhelming.  It is enough to be told you have a rare form of cancer and to be able to cope with that.  To be told you have a rare form of cancer and that it is scattered throughout your body - that may be too much to process initially.  I personally have appreciated the slow approach to getting the information.  Getting the information a little at a time has helped me cope with it and stay positive.  It is like the frog on the water, you slowly turn up the temp and the frog does not know he is being boiled.  That is how the cancer is for me, except I have some medicines that are spitting on the fire keeping it from getting too hot.  I have had some affected from the hot water/medicine mix like hair loss and Hemorrhoids, but the fire is not getting hotter.  We have high hopes the fire will start getting smaller.

Secondly, the doctor said that these are 2-D scans and they cannot always say with 100% accuracy what the results mean.  For example, one of my masses they initially thought was a tumor is most likely hematoma.  This because of how it didn't react to the PET scan.

Alright, enough blabbering.  Here is what is going on in my body:

Lymph nodes: most have stayed the same size, but a larger one is decreasing.  Enlarged lymph nods are manifest throughout abdomen.

Sternum: I have a sclerotic lesion in my sternum that showed "increased interval size", but no new lesions!

The lining in the outside of organs:  spots of the cancer are throughout the lining of several organs, but not ll of them.

Hematoma: near my right pelvis, getting smaller or "resolving"

Liver:  hypodense lesion within posterior segment of right lobe, a similar lesion in lateral segment of left hepatic lobe.  

 

I apologize if this is too much info.  I am an information guy and am at a point in my treatment that I needed some details.  We will keep pressing on with the chemo therapy and all will be a Heavenly Father wants it to be.  Prepare for the worst, but plan for BEST.   I have the BEST family, BEST friends, BEST neighbors, and even the BEST strangers.  Thank you everyone for all your support.

Love, Doug

Session 1 with Pregame Events

For any of you who do not believe in Murphy's Law, I have a story to tell that may convince you otherwise.  Many mothers and fathers may have had this very same experince.

Sunday morning we got ready for church and got some things ready for a Mother's Day dinner that night. We had choir practice at 12:15ish in the chapel because the choir is performing in sacrament meeting.  After the choir rehearsal  a sister in the ward asks me how I am doing.  I made the mistake of saying that it had been a perfect weekend and everything was going great.  MURPHY HEARD THIS!!!!!  I fed Annie some food and suck back in the chapel during the sacrament hymn.  You need to know at this point that Annie is on an antibiotic for an ear infection and we had been feeding her foods that promote bowel movement. I had fed her mixed vegetables - how she likes those, I will never know.  Any, we are halfway through the sacrament service, when I look down and see a large brown, lumpy mass (I hope you are not eating as you are reading this - sorry) on my leg and dripping.  Angela was like a panther and pounced my side for help.  The goo did drip on the bench, floor and even a tiny bit on Angela's shoe.  YUCK!!!!!!!  We wrapped Annie up in a blanket and carefully, but quickly took her to the restroom.  I got cleaned up, we worked together to get Annie cleaned up, we washer her off in the sink, and then I took her and me home for more cleanup.  Luckily Angela did not get her clothes infested so she could stay and lead the choir for their musical number.  I unfortunately did not return in time to sing in the choir.  

I must take a minute and show that Murphy, with all this tricks, does have a element of mercy.  Angela and I had talked about having me hold Annie during the choir or have someone else try to take care of her.  Either of those would have been much more disastrous.  So, Thanks You Murphy for throwing a trick we could tackle.

The week end was a really great time.  The Mother's Day dinner was awesome and I really felt good and prepared for the next session of chemotherapy.  A good friend and neighbor gave me a ride to Huntsman Cancer Hospital Monday morning - he works in the area.  I was able to get my port accessed and ready for chemo a couple of hours before my doctors appointment.  This gave me time to work for a couple of hours. I met with Dr. Gouw and we confirmed that I would get a CT scan during this visit.  He said that if the results came back with little change then we would keep on the same regiment of chemo medicines until the next scan, and go from there.  If the scan came back and showed significant growth, then the may need to alter the medications.  I was able to get my scan before i got hooked up to the chemo and I was able to work more while I waited of the medications to be prepared.  The scanning process was uneventful, just the usual sensations.  I wasn't able to eat anything, before the scan, so after ordering food twice, it finally came - a delicious chicken sandwich.  I was able to talk to family members on the phone.  It was really good to visit and chat.  I will take visitors however I can get them.  That night I was able to stop in and chat with a friend I have made here at Huntsman.  He is a fighter jet pilot - the boys thought that was really cool.

Well, Session 1, Day 1 has gone really well.  I feel loved and supported and have faith that everything will work out the way Heavenly Father intends it to.  Keep up the prayers and keep going to the temple.  We will all be blessed through this trial.

-DOUG-

Happy Mother's Day & Preparing for Session 3

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY Moms.  You both have been so supportive and caring during this trial of mine and my family.  We could not get through it without you.  HAPPY MOTHER's DAY Angela - our children are being blessed by seeing your faith and determination during this cancer battle.  You are stronger than you know!!!

I do need to say a word about my Mom.  I grew up in a small farming town of 200-250, depending on if someone was having a family reunion or not.  My Mom and Dad taught us kids to work hard, to use what we had, and to not complain.  I remember patches on the knees of my jeans and being OK with it.  We walked home from the school bus stop on a gravel lane and enjoyed it (most of the time).  I helped my grandparents with their chickens, watering their lawns, and keeping the furnace cleaned up and the hopper full of coal.  I do not remember feeling like we were doing without.  My Mom was a great example of selfless service, unconditional kindness, and a positive attitude about life.  She made (and still does make) the best meals and son could ask for.  I always knew my Mom loved me.  I attribute my positive attitude and good nature largely to my parents and the way I was raised.  Thank you Mom and Dad!

Angela's Mom & Dad has been stalwart fans of mine since I entered their lives, over 13 years ago.  They welcomed me with open arms and have not let go.  Living close to them has been a great blessing.  They have been another set of Mom and Dad in every way.  They have also reinforces those principles I was taught growing up and have helped me be a better father and husband to my family.  Thank you Mom and Dad!

This weekend has been so refreshing and rejuvenating for me.   It is a great way to begin a new session of chemo.  I was able to start a fire so Matthew could learn how to cook outdoors.  He did a great job cooking us bacon, eggs, and pancakes.  I even roasted some dogs since we had the fire.  (Not as good as a SportzDog though).  I was able to take the boys to the family cabin on Friday night.  We played games and stayed up too late (early bedtime for me though : )  It was awesome.  Saturday was great.  I was able to help Angela's parents move into a new home.  We are all very excited for them and the kids are excited for a big play area.  Angela and I were able to go to the temple.  A healthy dose of eternal perspective is always helpful in times of trial.  A wonderful brother from the ward brought over some things for our family.  It really made our day.  He somehow knew what the kids would like, what I would like, and what Angela would like.  He also offered the services of the youth he works with to help maintain the yard.  This has been an amazing weekend so far - with plans for today being wonderful as well.

Today the choir sings in church for Mother's Day - Angela is the choir director.  She does an amazing job and everyone loves her.  We are having a family dinner for Mother's Day.  Today is going to be GREAT!!

I do not think I could be better prepared for a session of chemo.  THANK YOU, EVERYONE!!!!

-Doug-

So much to talk about....

I must apologize to all my dedicated fans for the long space between posts.  I have been occupied with soccer games, laundry, dishes, work, etc....  It is so good to be busy with light.  So much has happened since my last post, I will try not to forget any life changing experiences.

I must update everyone on some diagnosis news.  At the beginning of each treatment session, I meet with the doctor and he updates my diagnosis and prognosis.  Dr. Gouw told us that the tumor by my lung is most likely cancer in my sternum.  My Ewing's Sarcoma is a bone cancer of the small cell type - as opposed to the large cell type.  I am not sure exactly what that means, and the doctor says it does not affect the treatment plan.  Dr. Gouw also said that the tumor under my ribs may actually be hematoma.  I have no idea if this a a better or worse situation.  The doctor did not seem phase by it - he didn't add any additional treatment or change the course at all.

This chemotherapy experience is very interesting.  There are things happening in my body that I have no clue about.  I have been told that the chemo is destroying cells - good and bad.  However, I have been blessed to feel well and for the most part, have not been limited in my daily activities.  The major outward manifestation is the hair loss thing.  My friend has had bad mouth sores, but I have been blessed to not have them (keeping my finger crossed).  I have my blood drawn 3 to 4 times between chemo therapy sessions and they tell me what my white blood cell count is and what my platelets count is.  If my white blood cell count is low, I am more likely to get sick so I have to stay away from "germy" people.  If my platelets are low then I could bleed to death if I get cut.

I did experience another side affect from the chemo.  CAUTION:  Some people may consider this TMI.  (Skip to the next paragraph if you are worried.)  Hemroids are the real pain the 'behind'.  I gained a great appreciation for the ability to sit down.  I suffered through them and thankfully they have backed off.  Wow!  Never want to do that again.

Well, I am falling asleep typing this; but I needed to get some thoughts down on paper.  I am so grateful for all the wonderful people who are supporting us.  You make this burden light.

-Doug-

Annie Henrie | The Creation

Annie Henrie has extended her Creation Fundraiser for the Kotters.  For the entire month of May, you can still get her new The Creation print and the proceeds go to Doug!

If you're interested in getting one, here are the sizes and prices.

$15.99    11 x 14 matted print

$34.99      8 x 10 framed 8 x 10 textured paper print

$139.99   11 x 14 canvas giclee framed

$279.99   16 x 20 canvas giclee framed

$399.99   22 x 28 canvas giclee framed

The image isn't on the Altus website yet, but you can purchase at these prices by contacting Altus directly.  You can call at 801-763-9788 or email Nancy at nancy@altusfineart.com.

Home Sweet Home

I cannot describe in words how GREAT, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, JOYOUS (need I go on) it is to be HOME.

Saturday morning the young men came and did a yard make-over that really lifted our spirits and gave us confidence that the yard will survive this summer.  (Me and lawn were feeling a little at one with our new "trim").  The young men worked really hard and a wonderful neighbor delivered a load of mulch for our garden.  The yard looks WONDERFUL.  

In the days following we actually planted some things and are ready for the vegetables!  We do have pea plant and a cabbage from Orchard Elementary - compliments of Jonathan.  Angela potted some beautiful plants for the front yard.  We are going to need some vibrant colors that represent growth and  life as we go through the summer.  

I did decide to use weed/grass killer to control the areas of the yard where we do not want anything.  It kind of reminded me of my chemotherapy.  They describe chemo as killing the fast-growing cells - good and bad.  Well, the fastest growing plants in my yard are the weeds and the grass.  I guess I am performing a little chemo-yard-therapy ; )

Angela is very proud of me at the moment.  I have been much better at de-junking (getting rid of stuff that is taking up space and that we do not need).  I have really thought about what is important and what things I want to be occupying my time.  I want a clean home with room to PLAY, RUN, LAUGH, & SING in.  I do not want my possessions to own me; I want to use them to raise a family in the Lord's way.  

It is late and I need to be in bed.  I did not take any anti-nausea medications today; and I did OK.  I think am good for this chemo cycle.  People continue to be wonderful to us - THANK YOU!!!!

Almost forgot, my cousin's son shaved his head is support of me.  It made my day.  I have the coolest family!!!!

-Doug-